My pride is the only thing holding me together
My Pride Is the Only Thing Holding Me Together
Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.
Proverbs 16:18 (KJV)
On paper, you're fine.
Show up, handle it, and everybody around you figures you've got it together.
Underneath, it's a different story. You're barely holding on, and the one thing keeping you upright is that nobody's allowed to see the cracks.
Asking for help isn't an option. Admitting you're struggling isn't either.
Falling apart in front of people is off the table completely.
The grip gets tighter. The face stays on.
That pride is the last wall standing between you and the collapse, and you're guarding it like your life depends on it.
Hear me, because I've stood right where you are.
For years I mistook my pride for strength.
On the street it was survival. You never let them see you bleed.
Then I carried it into my walk with God, still too proud to say I was drowning.
All it did was leave me alone with everything I was drowning in.
Pride almost never looks like pride, though. Most of the time it's walking around dressed up as confidence.
From the outside, the two can look identical. The difference only shows up when the pressure hits.
Real confidence can say I'm struggling and still stand, because it rests on Christ instead of on itself.
Pride can't say it out loud, because the image is the only floor under its feet, so it grips harder.
Confidence rests. Pride grips.
That wall is not holding you up.
The wall is the thing that's going to drop you.
Read the order God lays it out in up in that verse. Pride goes first. Then the fall.
Pride doesn't protect you from going down. Pride walks you right up to the edge.
Pride sells itself as the one wall holding your whole life up. The whole thing is a con.
That wall keeps everyone who could actually help you stuck at arm's length, and it leaves you holding the whole thing alone.
A wall you hold up with your own two hands never lets you rest, so you stay worn out.
One day the arms give out. They always do.
When they do, it's never quiet.
Pride doesn't lower you down gently.
Pride drops you, usually right in front of the people you worked hardest to fool.
Jesus was the one Person with every right to hold His head high, and He laid every bit of it down.
He took the low place, and let Himself be mocked and nailed up with nothing left to prove.
That's the exact opposite of pride, and He carried it all the way down to a grave, then walked out on the third day.
He went that low so you would never have to hold yourself up again.
You've been guarding a wall that was never the thing keeping you standing.
You can take your hands off it.
The wall isn't going to fall the way you think, because you were never the one holding it up.
The foundation under your whole life was never your pride. That was Him all along.
I'm not telling you to fall apart in the middle of Target, or that dropping the act fixes everything overnight.
I'm telling you that you can let the front down, because Someone stronger than you is already holding what you've been trying to carry alone.
Here's how to set the wall down today:
1. Tell one safe person the truth.
Not everyone. One person.
Say the real sentence out loud: I'm not okay, and I've been pretending I am. Pride dies in the light.
2. Drop the act with God first.
He already sees behind the wall.
In prayer, quit performing. Tell Him plainly you can't hold it together anymore, and let Him hold what you've been holding.
3. Do the one humble thing you keep avoiding.
Ask for the help. Admit the mistake.
Each one is a brick out of the wall, and you'll find you don't fall.
PRAYER
Heavenly Father, I'm tired.
I've been holding myself together with pride and calling it strength for way too long.
Thank You that You came down to the lowest place there is so I could finally quit pretending I'm fine.
Today I'm setting the wall down. I can't carry this alone, and the good news is I don't have to. Be what holds me up when the front finally comes off.Give me the guts to tell one real person the truth this week.
In Jesus' precious name. Amen.