What if people you helped forget you?

What If the People You Helped Forget You?

“He must increase, but I must decrease.”
John 3:30 (KJV)

I helped some people. I watched them grow, then noticed they stopped talking to me.

That hurt more than I expected. I started wondering if Core of the Heart, the ministry I lead, had only been a stepping stone they used until they found another church.

I knew these people belonged to Jesus. Seeing them grow closer to Him should have made me happy.

My heart was still asking, "Did I do something wrong? Did any of what I poured into them matter?"

John the Baptist's followers noticed people leaving John to follow Jesus. They came to him with the same kind of concern:

"And they came unto John, and said unto him, Rabbi, he that was with thee beyond Jordan, to whom thou barest witness, behold, the same baptizeth, and all men come to him. John answered and said, A man can receive nothing, except it be given him from heaven."

John 3:26-27 (KJV)

They thought John was losing people. John saw that the job God gave him was working.

Go back to the verse at the top. He must increase, but I must decrease.

He wasn't building a group that belonged to him.

It still hurts when somebody forgets the person who helped them, because gratitude and relationships matter. Sometimes we need to ask whether we hurt each other instead of pretending the distance doesn't matter.

I also had to admit that I did not know why they stopped talking to me. Maybe some of them were busy.

Maybe they thought I was busy. I had decided what their silence meant before asking what happened.

Then I started thinking about my pastor.

He taught me and corrected me. So much of what I use to help people today came through him.

As I got closer to other pastors, I never meant to make him feel overlooked. Still, I had to wonder if I ever made him feel what I was feeling now.

That thought gave me a deeper appreciation for him.

God can use you to help somebody for one part of their life. Another person may help them in the next part.

God is the One changing them, whether He uses you or another person.

If it feels like the people you helped forgot you, their silence does not mean God did nothing through you. Check whether there is a real conversation to have, and remember why you helped them in the first place.

That was why I helped them. I wanted them closer to Jesus.

Here's how to handle the hurt without holding onto people:

1. Ask before you decide what their silence means.

Reach out plainly. Ask what changed between you before you decide why they pulled away.

2. Let God show you what you wanted back.

Tell Him honestly if part of you expected that person to keep recognizing what you did or stay close to you. The hurt may be real without meaning they owe you closeness.

3. Remember who helped you grow.

Thank one person God used to help you grow. Give the gratitude you wish somebody had given you.

PRAYER

Father God, it hurts when somebody I helped moves on and acts like I was never there.

Keep me from deciding what their silence means before I know the truth.

Show me where I wanted recognition more than I realized.

Thank You for every person You used to pour into me.

Help me honor them and release the people I helped back into Your hands.

Let Jesus increase in everything I do.

In Jesus' precious name we pray. Amen.