Why do I keep defending myself to everyone?

Why Do I Keep Defending Myself to Everyone?

“Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass. And he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday.”
Psalms 37:5-6 (KJV)

We all have parts of our past we wish people would stop bringing up.

When somebody brings up something we actually did, the first instinct is usually to explain it away.

The one thing I had to learn was you can't heal from something you keep defending.

That doesn't mean every accusation against you is true. I realized, though, that healing begins when you stop pretending the true part never happened.

People used to bring  up my past all the time and say, "He was a drug addict/alchoholic. Look at everything he did."

I don't have to fight the part that is true.

Why?

Because I did it. That's why I need God.

Jesus died for me and washed my sins clean. I am not living that old life anymore.

When we aren't secure in what God says, we keep explaining because we think peace will come once everybody understands us. The beautiful thing about being a Christian is that peace can remain even when somebody misunderstands us.

Psalm 37 speaks to people being wronged. It doesn't excuse the part we actually did.

It teaches us what to do with the false accusation after we own the truth. Commit the matter to the LORD and trust Him to bring what is right into the light.

Trusting God doesn't require silence in every situation.

The need to defend every detail can show that we don't fully trust God to understand us. He knows the past and the change He has worked in us.

Some answers take time. Receiving the gospel doesn't mean we ignore them.

We can keep checking what people say for the next six months, or we can spend more of that time receiving the gospel in Scripture.

Which decision will have more peace at the end?

Healing begins when we tell the truth about the past and trust what God says about us now.

Here's how to stop living on defense:

Next time somebody brings up your past, pause before answering and ask, "Is any part of this true?" Own that part plainly without explaining it away.

If your behavior hurt them, apologize and ask what you can do to make it right. Correct what is false without turning the conversation into a fight.

If you're struggling with how to respond to what people say about you, turn to God and let Him defend and clarify all things. Ask God to help you respond in a way that is honest and peaceful while keeping Him at the center.

Once you have answered honestly, stop checking whether everybody agrees with you. Return your attention to the life God is helping you live now.

PRAYER

Father God, I am tired of trying to make everybody understand me.

Help me own what is true without defending my sin or turning my past into my identity.

Give me wisdom to answer what needs an answer and leave the rest in Your hands.

When shame speaks, bring me back to the gospel. Thank You that Jesus washed me and that You know me completely.

Teach me to commit my way to You and trust what You say about me.

In Jesus' mighty name we pray. Amen.